Hurricane Chronicles RPG
If you enjoy the Naruto series, and enjoy creative and exciting community writing, look no further than the Hurricane Chronicles RPG!

With the roleplay just beginning, we'll hoping for some people to temporarily fill important character roles with non-playable-characters alongside their own player-characters. This includes not only one of the five Kage, but those of the minor countries, leaders in each village's ANBU divisions, and even one of the nine tailed beasts!

If you're interested, message or email Ketchup after registering!
New Beginnings

Thu Apr 10, 2014 10:11 am by Ketchup

Why hello! This is your friendly neighborhood founder, Ketch, and I appreciate you not being frightened away by this overly-obnoxious theme and stopping by to find out more about this fledgling roleplay!

I started this forum by myself, and attempted to get the roleplay off of the ground with a hastily-assembled group of people. Due to real-life commitments, they were unable to stick around and …

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The Five Kage
Yuuji Yara


Goemon Miyoshi



Looking for members to volunteer for Submission staff positions. Register, and let me know if you're interested!

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[Konoha] Week 1: Dravocn Maximillion Hecoro (WIP) 350133-bigthumbnail

Name: Dravocn Maximillion Hecoro

Age: 13

Village: Konoha

Clan: Hecoro

Affinity: Wind Release

-Hair: Violet, short hair
-Eyes: Deep blue
-Height: 6'
-Build: lean
-Possessions usually found on persona: Two blades that he brought with him to think of his family, doesn't use them, they're just for aesthetics.
-Typical Choice of Clothing: As shown in picture

Dravocn is a person who most would call strange, since he doesn't act like most do.... this guy is nice to pretty much everyone.... only because he has to, since he hates the general public... don't get me wrong, he does like certain people.... but he hates people as a whole.
He's rather unethical, as well as insane... the kind of insane that means more along the lines of 'ecstatic when death of people is involved'.... yeah.... he hates people that much.
He's extremely intelligent and studies in his free time, even when on vacation... this shows his determination on improving his skills as well as his love for knowledge.... he's only willing to share knowledge to those close to him or if it benefits him to do so... so he's secretive as well... he's also very good at keeping secrets in a more social sense of the term secrets.
He is naturally classically polite... like, palace butler polite.... even though his family is filthy rich. 
Due to the fact that he studies so much, as well as his hatred for people, he is socially inept and has essentially no understanding or skills when it comes to social activity.
He crushes on pretty much everyone girl he's met, and I mean romantic crushing, not the kind of crushing you find now a days where it has nothing to do with the heart and more with the loins, I mean romantic, he especially crushes on girls that meet his criteria of not doing what he doesn't like.
He is a tactical and scientific genius, and his plans are always in detail and adaptable. There's always a backup plan with him.
When working with others he obviously sucks it up and tries to produce the best way to do the job, he's working to get the best position in the world... he's not going to let his hatred for people get in the way of keeping his promise with his deceased girlfriend. That being said he's a rather determined guy who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. Sure he's willing to put up with everything that people throw at him... but this does not mean he won't let it come back to bite them later. He's going to work with others as best as they'll let him, making no attempt at stating his opinions with his squad unless it pertains to the mission.
He's perfectly willing to hang out with those people he finds enjoyable and his polite demeanor 

Type 6 wing 5: The Defender: The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent "troubleshooters," they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion.

The Thinker: INTP's love theories and believe that everything can be analyzed and improved. They are not that concerned with the real world and practical things; from the INTP’s perspective, it is often less exciting than ideas and intellectual pursuits. People with this personality type have no difficulties noticing patterns where others cannot, which makes them brilliant theorists and analysts.
Accumulated knowledge is the most valued asset of any INTP. Imagine an immensely complicated clockwork that is constantly absorbing, processing and generating all kinds of theories—this is how the INTP mind works. People with the INTP personality type possess the most logically precise mind of all personality types. They can easily notice even the tiniest discrepancies between two statements, no matter how much time has passed in between. It is a bad idea to lie to an INTP. They may appear dreamy sometimes, but this is not because their mind is resting, quite the opposite.

Unskillful at/Dislikes:
Dravocn hates people as a general term, however he tolerates them fairly well if they aren't: large (in terms of wide body shape (for this means they're a glutton for food... also meaning greedy)), mean for no reason, ignorant/idiotic, dishonest, closed minded, overly commanding, angry out of nowhere, ignoring him, greedy, ego-centric, etc.

Mannerisms/ Quirks:
Dravocn as I have said is uncommonly polite when he speaks... palace butler polite... he's also got a major crushing problem, he is socially inept in terms of: he doesn't know what boundaries are whether it be physical or social stigmas... he doesn't understand people much.... though he does understand perspective when it comes to choices and situations, and he tends to study in a month more than most do in a year. he's really cautious and careful... as well as plans in excruciating detail.

He is insane and believes the majority of people don't deserve to live, people who are in his dislike area are who don't deserve to live, which are most people, given the chance of killing someone legal repercussion he'd do it... as long as the person he's killing meets his dislike criteria. 
He's unethical and has his moments of sheer maniacal thoughts where he laughs just as maniacally.

Dravocn would never be around people, though he would always find time to hang out with his family, they were always the kind of people who would show their love in the most complicated of ways... one time when Drav hit honor roll in his school of eighty highly intelligent students and he was the only one to hit honor roll, his parents gave him a wish, any wish he wanted. He was never able to make up his mind, his mother offered a secret (secret being she'd refer to him beforehand and get paid for it... what does it matter... she owns the company) position just below hers, his father offered to build him a custom built sword made however Drav liked. He was only able to choose one, and he chose the job, a waste one might say but eventually he'd be able to afford it anyway. Every time he achieved something great his sisters told him they'd do or give him anything he would like for the entire month whenever he asked. He would be offered the same thing from each of them except for his mother since she'd already given him a job so she'd give him a raise. Dravocn treated everyone how they treated him... so he reciprocated the way his family treated him to him treating them as well as they did him, treating his sisters like queens and giving his parents overly excessive praise because that's what he was raised around... he never allowed himself to become a spoiled brat... he knew he earned everything he got through what to most people would be considered hard work ... but to him it was a hobby done right with excellent rewards.

Dravocn got his girlfriend in fifth grade, she was older than him by a good three years as he started to skip grades by second grade, he found her adorable and she treated him with kindness and held such intelligence he couldn't understand why she purposefully got grades to keep her in her own age range, her brain was clearly older than the people she associated with. He didn't understand even after she had explained to him it was to have consistency in her friends and not be made fun of for her intellect, Drav still couldn't understand. 'Why do something that would not benefit you or others?' He was always the kind of person who would crush on someone but never make a move, his confidence and fear of rejection is something that he held with much anger, so she asked him if he'd like to be her boyfriend. She felt so weird since she was talking to someone young enough to be a second grader while she was a fifth graders age, but he said yes immediately and treated her just as well as he did his sisters from that point on.

Being ridiculed by his new-found fellow classmates about his age and the fact that he was a nerd to be in high-school so soon. His girlfriend had just made it to freshman year, she was quite popular in her school, she never talked about Drav and he was okay with that, he figured it had to do with the same reason why she was getting neutral grades... consistency in her friends... that and he was pretty young, also understandable. He never cared about the ridicule he got however he did care when students made fun of his family and girlfriend, being all of his dislikes is one thing as well as making fun of him, but you cross the line when you mess with family. Another two years passed and Drav had passed in honor roll with flying colors, he was proud of himself as was his family, his girlfriend made it to her freshman year and it was at that point he found out how badly her family treated her. This mad him furious, family should never treat their own badly, that is the biggest line to cross. Dravocn watched his girlfriend deal with her brothers and father beating her into submission to do whatever they liked. Dravocn was so close to being convicted of manslaughter he could taste it through the seething rage he could see by the scarlet skin he had somehow achieved in fury. Every time he would immediately run to her to see if she was okay after they finished with her, she always told him she was okay. He could tell she was lying, but she said it with a smile on her face as well as tears when she looked up at him. Dravocn would always tell her that the offer of him killing them secretively is always open, but she always denied it, she was too nice to them, too good for them. She didn't want him to stoop to their level... such a good heart. 

One day Drav was called in by a messenger as he was one of her emergency contacts, she was dying, her body stopped working under continuous abuse. Her father was in the hospital with her when Drav got there easily one could tell he'd been crying and furious due to him knowing who did it. She requested him in and her father to leave, he didn't even fight back but when he passed Drav gave him a murderous glare. Drav immediately held her hands, and she told him to promise her something. He only nodded as he was too busy crying, she wanted him to achieve the highest position anyone could ever achieve. To change the world, to rid the world of its aggression and hatred. She then asked him to come closer and he did, tears dripping from his eyes onto her adorable smiling face, and she kissed him. He followed her head to lower so that she would not have to hold her head up as she needs to recover he thought, but when she hit the pillow while still in the kiss... her lips softened... and the heart monitor rang in a continuous high pitch. He didn't pull away from the kiss until a nurse shoved him away to work on her as she called for doctors. He was still crying even as he was walking home, but he made a vow to keep his promise to her. 

Dravocn's girlfriend was a cute girl really... she had long brown hair, big green eyes, she was short, and was very smart... he wanted her back. When he achieves what his girlfriend had promised him they'd achieve together, will he be proud. Dravocn doesn't like most people, he hates what he is told to do half the time... mainly because it involves hurting hard working people... though correcting corruption is one of his favorite activities that the  Dravocn still pushes his way towards his final goal even after a year of working as a state alchemist. Drav has always hated people... for their corruption.... for what they do to others.... their greed.... he's hated them for these reasons.... the death of his girlfriend solidified his hatred as well as his ideas of people as a general term.

Last edited by Dravocn on Fri Jun 13, 2014 6:21 pm; edited 8 times in total

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First point: condensing.

Trust me, the thoroughness of the application is not by any means unappreciated. Dravocn has a lot of detail, from how he spends his free time training and studying to how anti-social he is, but what should be expressed in the Personality section are the DEFINING traits of his persona.

It seems that the death of his girlfriend solidified his view on the people around him, which is his defining trait. He's an anti-social, somewhat sociopathic kind of guy. Show how this correlates to his actions with other people, how it might affect his ability to function within a three-man team wherein he'll be forced to work with the 'people' he apparently despises.

Those kind of things are important.

The Eneanagram, the likes and dislikes: cut all that down to a few sentences. Those are minor elements of his core persona which don't shine through so much as his inner demons will.

Second point: the ellipsis (...) Just use periods, bro, lol. There are places you have them where they either need to be commas or periods. I'm sure you know where each applies. Your grammatical skills are great, but uh... yeah. Tweak that part.

Third point: the massive, brick of text that is his Background. Break that up.

Each paragraph should address a single point, relate to a single moment in time, and only contain one person's dialogue.

The general theme is: one thing at a time.

It's difficult to read (or want to read) a gigantic wall of text. Breaking down the same amount of words into fractured, concise paragraphs makes it much easier on the reader.

And I don't mean break it into three or four mini-giant paragraphs; I mean for you to actually go through the Background, and divide it into proper paragraphs with each paragraph pertaining to a particular point made in the total body of work.

I know you can do it, Drav!

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Is that better perhaps?

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